friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
