God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
