ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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