I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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