Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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