My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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