i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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