The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
