I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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