the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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