That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
