Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
