hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
