I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
