i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
