i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
