This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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