yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
