Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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