I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
