So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
