We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
