I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Randomize
