you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
