I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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