Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
