he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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