The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
