my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
