I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
