At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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