I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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