a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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