my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's blow job season.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
