Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
