the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
