her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
