oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
