I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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