I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
