you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
