can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it because I queefed?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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