if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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