You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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