I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
