closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
