the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
