After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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