i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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