Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
