Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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