Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
