An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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