Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
