Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
